BAD TIMING
Written by Dalida
Fight Club ends with its infamous scene of words: “You met me at a strange point in my life”. A sequence of events these past few years have made me relentlessly think of this quote and ponder on: “is everything down to timing?” Bad timing?! Is there such a thing, how if time is arguably a reference we humans have categorized as an elusive cognitive idea. If it doesn’t really exist as a tangible form and the experience of it can only be manipulated, but not time itself as it always moves in one direction, how can a mere meeting, a fleeting acquaintance and so on be conceived BAD TIMING. Or according to Alanis “it’s like meeting the man of my dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife…isn’t it ironic…don’t you think?”…
I have my own reasons, as a person to believe that; yes this is not right for me in this moment of time. Or maybe use it as an excuse as I don’t want to explain myself. Or even the more usual thing: Oh shit! Not now!!!…But in the past few years all of the above have been meddled in one big hot melting pot – not about things I would like to achieve but with basic everyday interactions and relationships.
Since my break up of a 7-year relationship I have been fortunate to interact with individuals of the opposite sex that all seem in one way or another to be able to communicate with me. In other words we get on. Regardless of what my friends say, that they may or may not be right for me. Now I don’t know if this is because after my break I made a distinct promise to my self, to never get into a situation that would acquire me or the other person to change, or if its because my eye may pick up on certain traits that I’m just attracted to, which I guess is a self-reflexive process after all. But in every relationship I’ve had in the last few years I’ve noticed a significant development. In every man I’ve dated in these 2 years I’ve seen something that the previous had and something better. Are these steps forward? Unfortunately or fortunately all these situations had and have in common is this curious concept of BAD TIMING. This makes me think of how maybe the generation of early 80s to pending, are confused about everything. With the myriad of choices and opportunities we are flooded with how can one possibly make a choice, if we don’t know where we stand. You meet someone out of the blue, or randomly get to know someone better, you like them, but if only the timing was better, if only the circumstances were better or suit to our NEEDS. My grandmother says that, to her there is nothing such as bad timing, because in her day even without a job, a house you would make an effort to what’s called “settle down”. But in this day and age were some of us are lucky enough to be born with comfort and not have to fight from year 0, the future is intimidating because we don’t know how to fight. (We learn to fight in other ways) Not that its uncertainty wasn’t worrying for past generations, but we have been programmed to be selfish and “live” our lives, our desires before “merging” with someone else’s. And although, most of us singles out there have the inherent need of that one person next to us, how are you suppose to have it if there is no job, no home and none of your own money. To add to that, how are you suppose to make it happen if you are too focused on attaining your own goals to the point were there is no sufficient TIME to appreciate another’s company.
This is how I see it on a general note, but personally I think that I’m just self-sabotaging as every guy that was worth investing in was either leaving, living away or just in the same boat as myself of NOT ENOUGH TIME and so we decided to call it BAD TIMING. Though, on the other hand I like to consider my own experience of bad timing as good timing for the reason that I learnt and gained from every situation. And whatever it is out there that holds an umbrella over me and has kept me from continuing these specific relationships, not because they were with bad people but rather because they were not good for me and vice versa. I do feel that I’m getting closer to what I need or to the person that is right for me, in one way or another I feel that I have already met him and the worst is that I have known him all my life but again it’s just bad timing.
To the person I spent most of my summer with:
Summer flings are usually left in my box of photographs hidden under my bed, but you are not a fling I realised this once I left. You were always around but I think both of us never even gave it a thought, it was a pleasure getting to know you better and spending time with you. I think we communicate, we had a laugh or two…I don’t know if you feel the same as I never breathed of word of any of this to you. But I think in some perspective you do… “Who would’ve thought… it figures, well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you”…if only you lived closer but then again no…“You met me at a strange point in my life”.
