By Dalida
I wanted a love that consumed me 
that hurt whenever I said those three words
I had it
I pushed it away for better or for worse
We brought out the worst in each other…
Like a whirlwind and unstable
His dark side held hands with mine
I was too young to understand
Silent fear and ashtray full of tears
Hours later I find myself back here
This is my baggage
The remnants of what passed through me
The affects of what I have to live with
I’m more petrified of commitment than rejection
like till-death-do-us-part
like Stockholm syndrome
It was us against the world
When I walked in the bar and he asked me what my favourite Pink Floyd album was
When he tempted me to run away and kissed me for the first time
When we wanted to know every strange thing about eachother
When I ran to him crying my eyes out and fell asleep in his arms
When he gave me keys asked me to move in
When he became controlling
When he toiled with my fear of abandonment and acceptance
When we fought over the smallest things
When he made me feel like I was nothing without him
When we stayed up all night talking over the same old issues
When held me so hard that all my thoughts disappeared
When we fought and I ran out the door, he picked me up and threw me on our bed
When he had no one to blame apart from me, and tore the house up
When he cooked me dinner and made a trail out of roses
When I provoked him, he chucked me out I cried myself to sleep on our doorstep
When he got jealous and punched a dent into the wall
When he cheated and I broke every glass we had in the house
When I made him angry, and he pushed me against the wall and kissed me so violently my words got lost
When he told me that he wanted our daughter to look just like me
When I stopped everything I enjoyed doing for him
When he slapped me so hard, he cried on my chest all night in remorse
When he nearly run me over, because I tried to get away
When he tried to crash the car because I told him we were over
When he told me no one else would love or care for me, ever this much
When he tore every thread of trust I had in me
When he bought me a ring and told me we were engaged
When he guilt tripped me into staying
When he called me names and played all these different mind games
When I threw his clothes off the balcony
When I distanced myself from my family and friends because of his jealousy
When he threatened that out of love he would kill us both
When he wrote songs about me
When he sang for me
When he kissed me on my forehead
When he wrote all those god damn drunk messages to me
When at my every success he stayed away
When at my every other loss he didn’t care
When he made me immune to every insult he screamed at me
When he sucked all the energy out of me
When on his knees he begged me to stay
When he changed and it was too late
He said it was tough love…
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PS: Stockholm syndrome, or capture-bonding, is a psychological phenomenon in which hostages express empathy and sympathy and have positive feelings toward their captors, sometimes to the point of defending and identifying with them. These feelings are generally considered irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims, who essentially mistake a lack of abuse from their captors for an act of kindness. The FBI’s Hostage Barricade Database System shows that roughly 8% of victims show evidence of Stockholm syndrome.
